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I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
God is really creative, I mean…just look at me.
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Dear Problems….Please give me some discount….I am a regular customer.
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Sleep is my drug…my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
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My humour is beyond your understanding. Isn’t that funny?
Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
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I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
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Women’s apology: I’m sorry but it was your fault.
Dear Stress, Let’s break up.
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For Sale: BRAIN. Used less, Perfect Working condition.
My boss to told me to have a good day……So I went home.
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The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited.”
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My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
Some people just need a high five. In the FACE. With a chair.
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Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
I don’t need the prince charming to have my own happy ending.
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I am not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
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My prince is not coming on a white horse.. he is obviously riding on a turtle and definitely lost.
Do not be so open-minded that your brain falls out.
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Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they will start using it.
I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with what I didn’t deserve.
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True people cry when You leave, Fake people leave when You cry…!
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I don’t hurt others, because I know how it feels.
It’s okay if they don’t like you not everyone has good taste.
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JUDGE me, When you are PERFECT.
If your EGO speaks with me, then my ATTITUDE replies to you.
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Some days there won’t be a song in your HEART, SING anyway.
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I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.
I am just striving to be more than I have ever been.
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When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person that walked in. That is what the storm is all about.
Your PRESENT is the PAST of your FUTURE.
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The smarter you get, the less you speak.
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Life has no remote you have to get it and change it.
If you want light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shinning.
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Every thought we think is creating our future.
Be mature enough to accept rejections and failures.
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LESS PEOPLE, LESS BULLSHIT.
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Never give up, everyone has bad days. Pick yourself up and keep going.
You’re not too old and it is not too late.
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If you see me LESS, I’m making some changes in life, you are one of them.
Don’t lower your standards for anyone or anything, SELF-RESPECT is everything.
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Whatever makes you feel bad, leave it. Whatever makes you smile, keep it.
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Treat me the way you expect to be treated.
SUCCESS is the by-product of your attitude.
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I didn’t mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute buttons.
I received nothing I wanted but I received everything I needed.
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I am not failed….My success is just POSTPONED.
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I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.
Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.
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